Emotions

            Emotions, feelings, sensations, weird thing-in-ma-bobs that makes you feel funny. Whatever you call them – we all have them. Emotions are a universal thing, meaning everybody in the world experiences them.

            From various studies done all over the world by different researchers, using different methodologies, and in different settings, and cultures it is evident that emotions are indeed universal. The seven basic universal emotions include: Joy, Surprise, Contempt, Sadness, Anger, Discussed, and Fear.

            From these core basic emotions other emotions can develop, for example: from the emotion joy comes excitement, bliss, happiness and so forth. 

            So we all have these emotions and we all experience them, but here comes the catch – Everybody experiences emotions on a personal level differently… Whaattt???? Yes, it’s true, we as unique individuals can experience the same emotion in different ways.

            We all know what anger is, have seen it, have a picture of it in our heads and have in some point in our lives been angry - like this morning in traffic. However, because we are all different and unique individuals, we experience the emotion of anger each in our own different ways. As an example, if there are two people in a room and they are exposed to exactly the same stimulus that make them feel the emotion of anger, these two individuals will experience the same emotion of anger differently. One might lash out and try to break something, while the other person will simply try to bottle that anger up.  

            Here are some things that might influence our different experiences: personality, age, past experiences, context and a whole host of other things. Interestingly something like the weather can also have an influence on how we experience emotions. A study done in 2013 (Hsiang et al.) states that there is a link between human aggression and high temperatures. Thus the higher the temperature, the more conflict and violence were present.

            With our current high temperatures, that does not look good. So have a glass of ice water, cool down, and remember: Feel the feeling, but choose the behaviour…

Flowers for 2018

So, we’re at the start of a new year. 2017 is behind us, and 2018 has taken its first little steps into life. Maybe you made some New Year resolutions. Maybe you are hoping that 2018 is going to be a better year than 2017. Maybe you are energised and ready to charge into 2018 with excitement and enthusiasm. Maybe you are feeling down and listless, faced with the prospect of another challenging year. We all have different responses to the coming of a new year, and different ways of coping with what the new year will bring.

I saw a lovely cartoon the other day….

…. And it reminded me that we all need to plant flowers in our own lives. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, so, here are the flowers that I am planting in my life this year to help me to cope with them:

Each morning I take 10 minutes for reflection and mindful breathing, to help me stay focused and motivated. I spend three minutes thinking about three things I’m grateful for, the next three minutes feeling at peace and thinking of people I care about and the last three minutes envisioning three things I want to accomplish this year. The amazing thing that I’ve learned is that thinking about things that you are grateful for actually changes the way that your brain functions, and makes you happier. And thinking about what I want to accomplish keeps me focused on those things, and prevents them from getting lost in the busyness of everyday life. And it is ten minutes just for me.

I’ve taken to walking around the neighbourhood a couple of times a week. Even just 20 minutes of working out improves both physical and mental health. The other day I woke up tired and down, but after walking for half an hour I had a smile back on my face - helped by having a good friend who walks with me.

And that’s it. I’m not making huge promises to myself to revolutionise my life – too much change at one time is hard to carry through. Two flowers I can plant and water and look after – not a whole garden. Two flowers that I know will bring positive energy into my life.

Here’s hoping that 2018 will be filled with flowers.

Speaking Up was my First Step to Self-care and Healing

Talking was one of the hardest things for me to do as a child, be it with my family, friends or strangers. Talking was always a huge mountain. Instead of talking, I would prefer hiding behind a book and being alone in my room.  I was afraid, scared in a way. Scared I would say something I was not supposed to say and that I would be in a great big deal of trouble. Life as a child was a silent nightmare and I carried it with me into my adult years.

The day I started opening up about my past, I didn't really say what happened, but just spitting out a little of the pain, the hurt and shame I carried, made it easy to go back and talk about it some more. Going over the experiences I had as a child was painful and sometimes it made me sick to my stomach just to talk about it.

What made me go back and speak some more was that I realised every time I talked, it was hell, but for some reason I started feeling better. My shoulders were getting lighter, I actually started feeling like the heaviness was disappearing. During that time, not once did I feel judged and I felt that I was in a safe environment to talk. Since then, things only became better.

As I child I was violated. My trust, my innocence and my childhood was taken away.

I do get those days when I’m not okay and in those days I just have to work a little harder not to fall back into my dark black hole, but work through whatever is upsetting me. Back then, I thought having guilt, feeling worthless and useless, being angry, anxious, lonely, fearful, depressed, sad and suicidal was me being a pathetic weak person.  I have now learned that it is not a shame to work through my emotions.  By working through each emotion and acknowledging them and allowing them to be, made a huge difference in my life. It made me an overcomer.

Through talking, I also learned a lot more about myself. It was like I was unfolding a beautiful ancient flower, waiting to be discovered. Not by the world, but just by me.

Today, I am standing stronger than ever before. Every day is a step of growth, every day is a step of healing. I can now wake up in the morning feeling happy, I do not feel the need to hide my face and I don’t feel like dying anymore. For the first time in my life, I feel like a person.

I will forever be grateful towards Lifeline for making my experience safe, easy and comfortable in my most unpleasant time of my life.  Thank you to the receptionist who answered my first call.  Thank you to the counsellor who was appointed to hear me out. I want to thank her for her patience she had from the very first day I met her.  To the facilitators during my Personal Growth and Counselling Course, each of you played a special part in my healing process and in finding myself as a person. Thank you for showing love and kindness, for caring and most importantly, for listening.  My heart will always be grateful for getting in touch with you.

If you find yourself on that lonely dark road, I want you to know that you don’t have to walk that dark road alone. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself, take that step towards your self-care, call Lifeline and speak to a counsellor.

Forever Grateful

Stormy Womanhood and the Hope of Spring...

As we reach the end of this women's month I take some time to reflect on womanhood and how it can feel at times.

Ironic how spring follows shortly on the heels of both winter and women's month. Spring, a season of hope, new life, bright colours and much excitement and anticipation. Winter past was cold and dark and sometimes seemed lifeless too. As these August winds blow through our Jakaranda city I am reminded that they are blowing in something new - a new season, with the hope of rain to cleanse and bring new life. Womanhood is much like Mother Nature herself. There are seasons that carry us from strength to strength. Seasons that make us and shape us and take us to where we need to be.

Despite our smiles that say we're fine, winds and winters can be fierce in our fragile woman hearts. We find ourselves in survival mode where we function for the benefit of others but never our own. These times are tough. We don't always speak up. It's cold and it's dark and we don't want to bring our gloom into the lives of others. Being brave for the rest of our worlds is a full time job and we don't realize that we fail ourselves. Wearing so many different hats as we juggle through our different responsibilities, we tire but don't discipline ourselves to get the help or rest we need. We fail to realize that in caring for ourselves, we are ultimately caring for those around us who need us in their lives. We need to hold onto the promise of spring and remind each other of it. We need to do what is necessary to get through our winters and gale force winds so that we can bloom on the other side of it all. Seasons DO change and that gives hope. Perhaps the very winds that are wreaking havoc in our hearts today are the winds that are ushering in something new and exciting in our lives.

At LifeLine we have some amazing women of valour. Brave and courageous women who stand strong for those who are hurt and broken and fallen along the stormy way. These woman are warm, empathetic, non-judgemental, caring and kind. They are not without their own stormy weather but their hearts are of such that they can come alongside another and help them to find a way too.

To all you multi-talented, beautiful women out there; the moms, the daughters, the sisters, wives and friends. Don't weather the storms of life on your own. Lifeline wants to help you be emotionally well so that you can take that out into your worlds and make an even greater difference than you already are. Do the bravest of brave and contact us when the storms of life are getting you down. Together we can make it to spring!

What you ought to know about Lifeline Pretoria

Hello Everyone,

Let me start by asking 3 simple questions. Firstly, what comes to mind when you hear the name Lifeline? Secondly, do you often find yourself saying that you are fine even when you are not because you do not want to be judged for being honest about your feelings? Lastly, when was the last time you felt understood and listened to? While you think about the answers to those questions, let me tell you about Lifeline Pretoria.

Lifeline is a non-governmental, non-profit, community based organization of trained staff and volunteer counsellors who offer free confidential counselling to people facing personal problems. Lifeline counsellors help by caring, listening and respecting their clients and treating them with dignity. The counsellors strive to listen, accept and understand people as they are through empathy. They recognise the importance of feelings and the way feelings affect how people behave and cope with life’s problems. Lifeline aims to enable people to face their problems with hope and confidence.

Lifeline Pretoria has four centres in and around Pretoria. The main centre, which is in Val De Grace, offers both telephone counselling and face to face counselling (by appointment) and the three other centres; Queenswood, Mamelodi, and Soshanguve offer face to face counselling only (also by appointment). A comprehensive list of the offered services include: relationship counselling, telephone counselling, face to face counselling (by appointment), rape counselling, trauma counselling, HIV/AIDS counselling and training and outreach programmes for other welfare organizations and the broader community.

In addition to the services offered to the community, we also offer two important courses; the personalgrowth course and counselling skills course.  The two courses are a pre-requisite if you want to become a volunteer counsellor at Lifeline.

I hope that after reading about Lifeline you are able to answer these three questions:

·         What is Lifeline?

·         What does it do?

·         How is it relevant to me?

In case you need to talk, give us a call or make an appointment to see one of our trained counsellors, they are here to listen.

LIFELINE PRETORIA CONTACT DETAILS:

PHYSICAL ADDRESSES:

MAIN CENTRE:

71 Watermeyer Street (Cnr. Naboom & Stamvrug, entrance in Stamvrug)

Val de Grace

Office Telephone: 012 804 1853

Crisis Line: 012 804 3619

Rape Crisis: 082 340 2061

Email: reception.lifeline.pta@gmail.com

website:http://lifelinepta.org.za/

facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifeline.pretoria/

SOSHANGUVE:

Soshanguve Community Centre,

NAFCOC Shopping Centre, Block F,

Buitekant Street,

Soshanguve

Contact no: 079 644 8644

MAMELODI:

Education Block: Itsoseng Clinic

Mamelodi Campus

University of Pretoria (previously Vista University)

Mamelodi

Office no: 012 842 3726

Cell no: 072 592 2858

QUEENSWOOD:

Adami Centre (opposite Christ the King Church)

Cnr Wren Avenue & Woodlands Drive

Queenswood

Pretoria

Contact no: 012 804 1853

Lifeline Pretoria is a member of Lifeline Southern Africa and Lifeline International.